3 Save the Date Mistakes to Avoid like the Plague
A few recent conversations have me looking back on some of the crazy tales I’m heard and the experiences I’ve encountered over the years. I could quite literally write a book but for the sake of this blog post, I’ll limit myself to the chaos surrounding save the dates.
So on that note, I’ll get right into it — watch out for these land mines when mailing your save the dates! And make sure to stick around for scenario #3 — it’s especially cringe-worthy.
1. there IS such a thing as “too early”
I know it may be tempting to mail your save the dates early but remember there's a fine line here. ⠀
A couple of years ago I met a bride to discuss her wedding invitations. She told me her save the dates (not pictured, don’t worry 😉) were already in the mail — they had actually been in her guests' hands for months. ⠀
Usually, that's fine HOWEVER in this case, she mailed her save the dates MORE THAN A YEAR before her wedding date. ⠀
For argument's sake, let's say her wedding was August 2019 and she mailed her invitations in July of 2018. When her guests received them, they overlooked the year and thought the wedding was the following month! ⠀
OOPS!⠀
She received a bunch of confused calls and texts wondering why the wedding was so soon and what the heck happened to their invitation. ⠀
So long story short, you may be dying to get your save the dates in the mail, but please I beg you, wait until you're at least under the one-year mark!⠀
That said, proper etiquette for mailing is 6-8 months in advance for most weddings and up to a year before destination weddings, especially international ones.
2. Being Direct is a Good Thing
Are you inviting children? Do you have any friends who aren’t being invited with a plus one?
That guest list is a tricky thing, but it’s best to be clear with people from the start so they can plan accordingly. So if there isn’t space at the venue to give all your friends a plus one — or if you don’t want Sarah to bring the guy she met at the bar the night before, then make sure to be clear about that on the envelope.
Honestly, if someone gets offended that their kids aren’t invited, it’s better to have that conversation now rather than a few weeks before your wedding…or worse, at your wedding!
3. Mail with caution
Here’s a tale I’ve heard a few times and seriously, it’s pretty tacky.
Let’s pretend I’m the guest in this situation, just to make things slightly more painful.
So it’s November and I receive a cute little save the date for John and Mary’s wedding taking place in May. Great! I love weddings and this looks like a good one. I mark my calendar and place the card on the corner of my desk so I don’t forget.
A few months go by as usual and before I know it, it’s the END OF APRIL and I haven’t received an invitation.
That’s weird.
The plot thickens when a couple of mutual friends ask me which hotel I’m staying at and if I chose steak or salmon for my entree.
“Maybe mine got lost in the mail,” I think to myself.
So even though it’s awkward, I reach out to Mary about my seemingly lost invitation. She proceeds to tell me, in a very uncomfortable tone I’ll add, that they miscalculated their guest list and sent too many save the dates. The venue can only fit so many people so they had to make some last-minute cuts and unfortunately I was one of them. “I hope you understand,” she adds.
Did you just cringe a little? Because I certainly did.
Although highly recommended, save the dates are an optional step so it’s TOTALLY fine to not send them to everyone. Don’t send them to your “maybe list” or your “B-list”. This could save you from a majorly awkward conversation later.
Feeling ready to conquer your save the dates? If not, that’s totally okay, I’m here to help. Send me a message for availability. Can’t wait to hear from you!
xo, Katie
Photos: Foiled and Pressed; Bella Figura with Carina Skrobecki (photographer) and Cozbi Jean (stylist)
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